Okay Mr. Holder, I Hear You...So What Are You Going To Do To Help It?
I am referencing this article: http://www.mainjustice.com/2009/12/14/holder-calls-on-black-fathers-to-take-responsibility/
So US Attorney General Eric Holder, in a speech before the congregation of the Memorial Presbyterian Church in Queens, N.Y., made a call for black men to step up and raise their children. He stated that “Too many men in the black community have created children and left them to be raised by caring mothers. It should simply be unacceptable for a man to have a child and then not play an integral part in the raising and nurturing of the child.”
Now on the surface, this sounds good. Men should step up and be involved in their families. Women should never have to go it alone. However, speeches like this...and the ones made by Obama and Bill Cosby before...leave a bad taste in my mouth.
We all KNOW there is a problem with absentee fathers in the black community. There are deadbeats out there. Got it. But let's look deeper. The Bill Cosby style "Lets go rant and rave about what niggas aren't doing" approach doesn't help or solve anything and just alienates people more. The whole notion that talking shit to someone is going to spur them to do better just doesn't work. Speeches are nice. And they may even be accurate in their sentiments. But if Eric Holder wanted to do something, then he needs to go talk with his boss, our President, push for funding for more parenting programs, mentoring programs for teenage and young adult fathers. Do SOMETHING. Our president is bailing out banks, maybe be can break a little bread off to fund some programs that can help teach some of these young men the ins and outs of parenting. Maybe they can take the lead in a positive way and implore professional black men to reach out and mentor and set an example.
I's real easy to look at people who are down and state the obvious. One reason why Bill Cobsy's rants never impressed me. Another reason why I yawned when Obama said the same thing. Talking about a problem without searching for any answers comes across as waste (and please don't come with the Clarence Thomas "pull yourself by your bootstraps" shit as an answer. Some folks are in a cycle that has been going on for multiple generations and need help breaking it.)
So the next time a Black figure wants to tell Black people about themselves or talk about what Black folks aren't doing, here's hoping they have a plan to actually make the situation better.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Monday, December 07, 2009
The Tiger Woods Saga
At this point, I really just want this story to go away. He’s been caught, allegedly beaten up and embarrassed. He has had his private life stretched out across the blogosphere and the media. He has admitted his infidelity and sworn to come back from it to be a better man. To me, it’s done. However the media can’t get enough of the salacious details of Tiger’s trysts. We get reports of his voicemails, his alleged endowment and other T.M.I. facts as a flood of women continue to come forward.
In the media’s thirst to uncover details, there is one detail they have allowed to fade into the background. And that is the most interesting, and bothersome, part of this saga. This entire story started with an allegation of domestic violence committed against Tiger Woods by his wife Elin. The full detail of that encounter never came about due to Tiger’s refusal to talk to the authorities. However, it seems that Tiger was running from a beating when he crashed his car that night.
Now, how did the media react to this back story? Do they probe deeper into these allegations? Do they ask if there is some prior history of her acting this way? Do they consider whether or not she has a temper and if that temper has revealed itself in this way in the past? No. They are largely silent on the issue. And when they are not silent, they turn the issue into a joke (See the recent, unfunny, Saturday night live skit - http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/clips/tiger-woods-accident/1182383/ ).
This is the same media that has spent the past few months telling us that violence in a relationship is never okay. The same media that has been telling us that Chris Brown is the antichrist (and no, I am not defending him in the least). The same media that turned Rhianna into a martyr is now turning Tiger into a joke. One victim of domestic violence receives sympathy, the other is lampooned.
Ask yourself a question, all things being equal (acts of infidelity), if the story involved a man finding out that his wife cheated and allegedly beating her and chasing her with a golf club, would the media be so quick to drop that part of the story? Would people be making jokes about a woman getting beat down after her husband caught her cheating? Would his alleged violence be considered an afterthought as people focused solely on her unfaithful ways?
Here’s another twist: If the woman in question were a woman of color – for example, a woman who looked like Mo’Nique – rather than a small, petite, attractive blond haired, blue eyed woman, would the media be so quick to take a pass on the issue of violence?
There is no justification for Tiger repeatedly going outside of his marriage. He was wrong, and he rightfully stood up and took the blame for his philandering. But if the allegations are true, and Elin Woods did physically assault her husband, she is wrong as well. However, she is getting a pass. Why? Because she is a woman? Because she is white? Because she is attractive (and fits the traditional Eurocentric standard of beauty)? All of the above?
Clearly there is a double standard at play and it’s not right. But no one wants to talk about it. Everyone is so obsessed with how many women Tiger was with, or what race those women are, or what he said to them. They are too busy making bad jokes at his expense (Okay the “Cheetah” Woods and “Lion” Woods jokes were funny the first 50 times, but enough people) and laughing at him.
If we as a society are going to acknowledge that domestic violence, putting your hands on someone or acting in a terrorizing way is always wrong, then we must hold both men and women to the same standard. None of this campaigning to end a guy's career for being violent, while women make songs about "busting windows out your car" that not only become hits but are treated like they are some form of empowerment. No more hooting and hollering and laughing when a woman punches a man in a club, then acting like it’s a horror show when a man does the same. No one would have dared to have made a comedy skin featuring a bruised and battered Rhianna, so no one should have made one featuring a bruised and battered Tiger. And just as the media probed for every detail of Chris’s Brown’s behavior, so should they have probed deeper into Elin Woods’ behavior.
Tiger Woods fell on the sword to keep his wife from getting in trouble. He refused to talk to the police and instead of having her arrested, chose to try to save his marriage. That is his choice and his right, but it doesn't make what she (allegedly) did any less wrong or does it makes the reaction of the media and others any less shameful.
At this point, I really just want this story to go away. He’s been caught, allegedly beaten up and embarrassed. He has had his private life stretched out across the blogosphere and the media. He has admitted his infidelity and sworn to come back from it to be a better man. To me, it’s done. However the media can’t get enough of the salacious details of Tiger’s trysts. We get reports of his voicemails, his alleged endowment and other T.M.I. facts as a flood of women continue to come forward.
In the media’s thirst to uncover details, there is one detail they have allowed to fade into the background. And that is the most interesting, and bothersome, part of this saga. This entire story started with an allegation of domestic violence committed against Tiger Woods by his wife Elin. The full detail of that encounter never came about due to Tiger’s refusal to talk to the authorities. However, it seems that Tiger was running from a beating when he crashed his car that night.
Now, how did the media react to this back story? Do they probe deeper into these allegations? Do they ask if there is some prior history of her acting this way? Do they consider whether or not she has a temper and if that temper has revealed itself in this way in the past? No. They are largely silent on the issue. And when they are not silent, they turn the issue into a joke (See the recent, unfunny, Saturday night live skit - http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/clips/tiger-woods-accident/1182383/ ).
This is the same media that has spent the past few months telling us that violence in a relationship is never okay. The same media that has been telling us that Chris Brown is the antichrist (and no, I am not defending him in the least). The same media that turned Rhianna into a martyr is now turning Tiger into a joke. One victim of domestic violence receives sympathy, the other is lampooned.
Ask yourself a question, all things being equal (acts of infidelity), if the story involved a man finding out that his wife cheated and allegedly beating her and chasing her with a golf club, would the media be so quick to drop that part of the story? Would people be making jokes about a woman getting beat down after her husband caught her cheating? Would his alleged violence be considered an afterthought as people focused solely on her unfaithful ways?
Here’s another twist: If the woman in question were a woman of color – for example, a woman who looked like Mo’Nique – rather than a small, petite, attractive blond haired, blue eyed woman, would the media be so quick to take a pass on the issue of violence?
There is no justification for Tiger repeatedly going outside of his marriage. He was wrong, and he rightfully stood up and took the blame for his philandering. But if the allegations are true, and Elin Woods did physically assault her husband, she is wrong as well. However, she is getting a pass. Why? Because she is a woman? Because she is white? Because she is attractive (and fits the traditional Eurocentric standard of beauty)? All of the above?
Clearly there is a double standard at play and it’s not right. But no one wants to talk about it. Everyone is so obsessed with how many women Tiger was with, or what race those women are, or what he said to them. They are too busy making bad jokes at his expense (Okay the “Cheetah” Woods and “Lion” Woods jokes were funny the first 50 times, but enough people) and laughing at him.
If we as a society are going to acknowledge that domestic violence, putting your hands on someone or acting in a terrorizing way is always wrong, then we must hold both men and women to the same standard. None of this campaigning to end a guy's career for being violent, while women make songs about "busting windows out your car" that not only become hits but are treated like they are some form of empowerment. No more hooting and hollering and laughing when a woman punches a man in a club, then acting like it’s a horror show when a man does the same. No one would have dared to have made a comedy skin featuring a bruised and battered Rhianna, so no one should have made one featuring a bruised and battered Tiger. And just as the media probed for every detail of Chris’s Brown’s behavior, so should they have probed deeper into Elin Woods’ behavior.
Tiger Woods fell on the sword to keep his wife from getting in trouble. He refused to talk to the police and instead of having her arrested, chose to try to save his marriage. That is his choice and his right, but it doesn't make what she (allegedly) did any less wrong or does it makes the reaction of the media and others any less shameful.
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