People Perpetuating Their Own Heartache and Drama
6/23/06

It just makes me sad to see it....and I see it so often. I look around and I see so many people walking around like slaves....They enslave themselves, becoming jaded, bitter.....refusing to see the possibilities of life. These folks are unable to be happy, unable or unwilling to seize the day and reach their ultimate potential. And in the end, that fact isn't because life isn't fair. It is because of their own choices.


Life isn't unfair. Life isn't bad. Life just is. Life does what it does and owes us nothing. Happiness in this world is all in how we respond to the ups and down, the celebrations and the trials, the good moments and the bad. Tough times are going to come, disappointments are going to happen. There are going to be moments where we hurt so much we feel like dying. In the end, we have to let go of the pain and the disappointments, take the time to heal and rebuild ourselves and move forward. There are many things that will happen that we cannot control. What we can control is whether or not we allow these things to break out spirit. And that is something none of us can ever allow to happen if we are to ever be happy. Happiness is the ability to roll with the punches, to let go of toxic things that seek to burden our spirits, to learn and grow from our mistakes so that we become strong and wise enough to overcome any challenges we may face.


People don't do this though. They hold on. Hold on when doing so is totally not in their best interest. They refuse to accept the reality that life is laying right in front of their eyes. They give up hope. In relationships, there are people who will recognize that a situation does not work, that it is not good or healthy for them. Yet in their mind, they think that it can, so they ignore the obvious reality and stay and try to make the unworkable work. In life, there are people who will get in in their mind that a certain career path or direction is the one. Yet when it doesn't work, they get give up all hope and allow their talents, which could thrive on another path, to fester and crust over.You get people in these circumstances who are not living. They go through life like zombies, biding time until they die.


The eye can only focus on one thing at a time. If you are busy placing your focus on what doesn't work, you will miss out on something that can. People push away and screw up things with amazing people and potential soulmates every day because they'd rather focus on fixing a broken ship that can never sail. It never fails that the most jaded people when it comes to relationships are the ones who refuse to emotionally move on from the same fuck-up who has been bringing them nothing but strife for years. People let their academic and professional potential go unfulfilled, because they sink into the disappointment of a failure and give up hope. They will not even try to embark down a path that could bring them fulfillment because they are too busy sulking that what THEY thought should have worked, didn't. In these circumstances people fail to see that the failure of these things is a blessing in disguise because, as much as they have it fixed in their mind that it was the "one" or the ultimate, it WASN'T. Instead of moving on and continuing to search, they stop believing in the possibilities. And life, no matter how hard it is, is full of possibilities. Happiness lies behind various doors, if only people have the courage and strength to knock on them.


So many people use hurt as their justification. They allow the pain of getting their heart broken, the pain of not having their plans work out as they wanted erode their confidence. Well people, let me give you a big news flash. Pain is a part of life. It's like breathing and eating. It is something that we cannot escape. There is pain as we are birthed into the world. There is often pain as we die. And pain will be a part of our experience as we go through the daily paces of life. The flip side of pain is that in every painful moment lies opportunity. There is a lesson that we can learn to get wiser. There is strength in overcoming it. There is the fulfillment or evolving into a better person for having endured. You can let pain break you or you can use it to make you. Your choice.


And in the end it's all about choices......personal responsibility. If that relationship doesn't work, it's because it's NOT meant to be, because that person is NOT the one. If that career path doesn't work out it's because it's NOT what your calling and destiny is. The sooner we accept that, the sooner we can open our hearts and minds to the possibilities and great potential that life has. The sooner we can embrace our destiny and the happiness that lies out there for all of us. If people choose to hold onto bad relationships, or sulk in self-pity, then they need to cut the jaded act and look in the mirror. They may not be happy, but it's due to their own behavior. They are like people in an unlocked jail cell. They can walk out at their choosing. They just need to let go of the bars and walk out the door.

© 2006, James Leon Smith, All Rights Reserved.

Follow up to "The Break Up" - Cowards in The Name of Kindness...

There is nothing worse than this scenario: Knowing a relationship is dying yet having someone who claims to love you not respect you enough to come honest and real and just lay it all out there. If it's not working, then it's not working. If you are no longer feeling a situation, just be straight up and real about it. Have a backbone and say what needs to be said. I can't stand it when someone says "I dont want to be mean" or "I dont want to hurt them", all the while they continue in a relationship they dont want to be in. What's mean and hurtful is staying in a relationship and not giving your all to it. What's mean is living a lie, saying that things are okay when they are not. It's hurtful to cut off affection when you are no longer feeling them. What's wrong is sticking around keeping a relationship on life support while straying outside it to look for others.There is nothing nice about leading someone on rather than giving them clarity and doing what needs to be done so both people can move forward and be happy.


Coming straight up may seem harsh, but honesty IS the best policy. The truth hurts, but in the end it's something that real people will always respect. Plus, when you hold back the truth and dont tell someone how you feel, you are really calling them weak. You are saying that they cannot handle the truth. That it will break them so you have to shelter them from the horrible hurt. I take that approach as an insult and a slap in the face. I mean b**** please, get over yourself....i've been through all the crazy and difficult times i've seen in my life and kept standing, endured things you can't imagine...but you think I cant handle the word no from *you*....PUH-lease. I believe the feigned extra care is really a cop out from people who dont have the spine and nerve to be honest and to be really real.


If you keep it honest and just break it off, people may be angry or hurt, but in the end you can leave a relationship with respect. And because of that respect you have the opportunity to be friends at some point. If you dont, them people stray, they cheat, they argue.....feelings end up getting hurt a lot more and respect ends up getting lost. You end up losing someone from your life altoghether. So many people talk about keeping it real. Well in this situation, it's as real as it gets. And people need to show and prove.